A TRIBUTE TO MY FIRST LOVE
It was on the 12th of July when I got the shocking news that you are no longer here. The means by which I got these news was neither what I would have expected nor wanted. I was distracting myself on social media and I saw that one of my cousins had posted a photo with the caption “R.I.P uncle”. My heart started pounding. I sat there waiting for the photo to load and simultaneously wished and hoped that it was not you. Lo and behold it was. It was a picture of you smiling.
I know this photo. You had posted it on your page some time back. Based on the white sand in the background, I could tell that you were in Mombasa, the coast of Kenya. It seemed like you were on holiday and you looked very happy. You still had that smirk and proud look on your face. The kind of look that seemed to say “hey look at me, I am on holiday! With my family! Yes I can do that, because I am cool like that.” *in Kevin Hart’s voice hehe
Of course you were there with your new family but I could still recognise that smile. I loved that smile on you. The same smile that would describe the pride you used to feel when you took us on those Sunday outings and pay for those rides at Luna park; one of the biggest theme parks in Kenya at the time. Outings I really used to love. These were moments that we really used to enjoy as a family. We, the kids, would go on the rides, eat and drink as much as we liked while you and mum would talk and straighten out any issues you had. The drives back home would be glorious! We would sing and laugh all the way. As I write this, I realise that a picture is truly worth a thousand words.
Since we hadn’t talked in a while and I did not get anyone to ask about your well-being before you departed. I could only look at this photo and hope. I hoped and prayed that you were happy. I hoped that you left in peace; with yourself and the people that mattered to you most. That you had forgiven yourself and the people that you felt wronged you. That by chance you read the letters that I had written to you( A letter to my first love part 1 and 2).
I prayed that you left knowing that I; the daughter that you chose to raise without being your own, had forgiven you. That you always had a place in my heart even after the many years subsequent to our last meeting. That despite all the rejections; you asking me to leave, not answering my texts and or calls that I had forgiven you. In spite of all that, the gratefulness in my heart for your sacrifice and selflessness was and is still strong. Something that my heart and time could not have managed to do without God’s help.
I am grateful for the lessons and values that you instilled in me, both in word and action:
Thank you for being the first feminist in my life (The best way you knew how). You outright defied sexism by proudly allowing me to wear pants in a society that believed that girls should be wearing skirts and dresses. Thank you for teaching me how to change light bulbs, fixing broken locks, handing you spanner number 12 and holding the spotlight late at night while fixing the car. Thank you for buying me a bike instead of dolls because you saw that is what I liked.
You showed me that my desires were not dictated by my body rather by my heart and mind.
Your response towards what I liked didn’t seem as significant then, but it greatly accounts to the wild* woman that I am today and the mother I will one day become, God willing. Thank you for allowing me to tag along while you were building houses in Kawangware 56. Watching you be a hardworking business man instilled the desire in me to be a business woman as well. Thank you for showing me that there is that option and that it is possible to be successful at it, as I learn to actualise it. Thank you for allowing me in spaces where money conversations were held.
Last but not least, thank you for choosing me. I was not your biological daughter but you chose me. Since I was in my mother’s womb, you decided to love her and her seed. You took us in and became the best father a girl could ever ask for. I was a daddy’s girl and I enjoyed every moment I spent with you. Thank you for doing what most men would not even imagine themselves doing leave alone actually doing it. Thank you for doing it in the best way possible you knew how to. Thank you for being the man that you were. I will forever be grateful!
“If we should ever meet on this side of life, I would still like to treat you to some ribs, as I read you this letter with both tears and a smile on my face.
I would still embrace you dad…as we figure out how to go about our new relationship. Until then…”
A LETTER TO MY FIRST LOVE PART 2
REST IN PEACE DAD.Until I see you again…
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